Astroturf
by i mean uhm
Summary: Silver and N go on a little "roadtrip" around Sinnoh together and realize that was actually a terrible idea. (slash)


_About a month or two ago I was on AIM with a friend discussing how you never see kink memes for pokemon and how it was weird. EXCEPT THEN I FOUND ONE, and nestled in between all the surprisingly elaborate porn requests was one simple sentence of some sort that stuck out to me. I can't remember it exactly, but it went something like: _

"N and Silver go on a roadtrip and fall in love."

_That was it. Being the overenthusiastic fan of both characters I am, as well as somewhat-guiltily "shipping" them, I was like HELL YEAH I'LL DO THIS. Except I forgot the link to the meme and also I remembered writing isn't really my "thing". _

_But then school ended and I went "fuck it why not". THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, RANDOM PERSON WHO POSTED ON AN OBSCURE POKEMON KINK MEME OVER A YEAR AGO_

Silver wondered how often the citizens of Sinnoh had considered murdering their travel companions and throwing their corpses into a misty bog. True, most people were probably blessed with having normal travel buddies and NOT chattery ex- "Kings", but surely after listening to the guy a jury would understand.

"I still don't think we're going the right way," N insisted for the umpteenth time, dawdling about twenty steps behind Silver's brisk pace as the two weaved through the foggy woods. "I mean, really, if you look at the position of those trees over there, relative to the stream that we KNOW runs straight to the town, we could easily calculate-"

The younger trainer chose to tune him out, keeping his eyes locked on his Pokegear's map and pretending as though he was navigating the forest by himself. It was just easier to press on and pretend N wasn't there than try to argue with him, honestly. Starting a fight with N when he was like this was about as effective as trying to scoop out a bottomless pit with a thimble.

Whilst on fire.

Silver had "acquired" N as a sort of twisted "travel buddy" about a week ago, when he had first told the Elder over at Dragon's Den he'd be leaving Johto to Sinnoh for a while: to clear his head, train, maybe find some new Pokemon and new challenges he'd heard of in the area. Not even necessary, really, but he figured after a pretty steady 7-year streak of attendance the old man might wonder where he'd gone. Just a quick little private briefing. But somehow certain people had overheard.

Certain people had been Clair.

Clair had blabbed it to the others.

And then made some half-sly, half-concerned dig about how Silver's trip probably had less to do with "clearing his head", and more to do with a certain black-haired Champion who hadn't been making his weekly visits lately. Silver couldn't cohesively recollect what had happened after that exact moment- some words were exchanged, a cape was flipped over someone's head, a dragon or two MAY or may not have gotten involved at some point. It was all a blur.

At the end of that blur, though, was N, cheerily offering a ride on his Legendary Beast that Silver couldn't refuse.

No, literally, he couldn't refuse. Upon double-checking, Silver realized that the travel rates from Johto all the way up to Sinnoh at this time of year were juuuust a pretty penny more than he had to spend. Reshiram was an ultimate last of last resorts; he knew that thing had never been a fan of his, and he swore it tried to buck him off at least once en route to Sinnoh. Maybe even twice. Regardless, he had gotten there safe and sound, and when N had swung off Reshiram's back and his stomach let loose some unholy symphony of monstrous gurgling, Silver figured he at least owed the guy a sandwich or something for the free ride. Of course now it was a week later, the sandwich was long gone, and yet N was still following him for some reason. He was like a stray cat or something. Just with less spraying. Still a lot of hissing and biting, though.

Before this trip, N had registered somewhere in the middle of Silver's annoyance meter. He was _far_ less tolerable than, say, Lance or Gold, but he also made much better and less loathsome company than, say, Clair. The two of them didn't _really _get along, what with N being a huge sissy hobo weakling loser. Of course squabbling was inevitable. But N at least seemed to share his discomfort with the human race, as well as a general distaste for stupid people (aka, the human race). That, at least, was a common point of interest that allowed them to be in each others' presence. Upon talking to the man more (and from brief snippets the Elder had shared with him when Silver had questioned who the random guy hanging around Dragon's Den with the Unholy Ancient Legendary Beast of Power was), Silver had also found out a good deal of his past- a past a little too familiar to him. That N was brought up in an evil organization from childhood, led on for years dreaming of a powerful future, before being scorned and abandoned by a power-hungry father and left to fend for himself.

In a way, Silver wished he had never learned _anything_ about N beyond the fact that he was just some rank hippie (who just so happened to talk to Pokemon and ponder the Abel-Ruffini Theorem in his spare time). Because now, disgustingly, no matter how much he hated N sometimes, somewhere in his shriveled, healing husk of a heart would always be shred of pity and empathy for the man. No matter how much the guy drove him up a wall with his Pokemon love or his nerdy math talk or just his nonstop talking talking _talking __**talking**_

Pitying someone didn't mean you couldn't sic your Feraligatr on them and hogtie them to a nearby tree, did it?

"...not to mention the angle of the shadows indicate our travel time has already-"

"Hold it." Silver held up a hand to silence his companion and immediately ceased his brisk pace. The woods they'd been traversing had finally thinned out. Laid out in front of the pair was the very marsh Silver had been searching for all night, adjacent to an area full of powerful Pokemon he'd heard rumors of.

Silver would have gloated about how right he was, but he was too busy being disgusted by something he had only just noticed.

"For such a huge place, there's WAY too many people around here. They're everywhere," Silver grumbled, staring across the swampy marsh ahead of them. Even through the mist he could still make out very faint figures of trainers. What the hell. "What I need is some way to just drive off everyone ever. You included," he added as N finally caught up to him.

"You'd want a Skunktank, then." N said brightly, falling in step behind Silver. "I mean, as long as we're in Sinnoh. They'd be perfect for what you want. They're quite well-known for lashing out at any detected predators, and their stench can drive away anyone within a mile and quarter radius."

"...are you comparing me to a Pokemon know for its deadly farts?" Silver finally asked, breaking his usual stoic expression to raise an eyebrow at his taller companion. The man shrugged.

"It's a defensive fluid, not a 'fart'." N explained, arching his arms behind his head and rolling his shoulder blades and back. A loud snapping and popping of bones followed, but Silver didn't grimace or shudder. "It's just interesting, that's all."

"You should really reflect on your life when you find farts interesting," Silver stated matter-of-fact, carefully taking his time to find a safe, dry, and most importantly, empty route across the swampy path. He'd had mild success up until this point. N walked past him and stepped across no problem, seeking out the dry patches as though he'd been born into this world DESTINED to skip across shitty lakes and ramble on about Pokemon and love and peace and Pokemon farts and make Silver's life as irritating as possible.

"I told you, it's FLUID." N insisted, now comfortably standing just out of harm's way while Silver cautiously tested a nearby log. N's grey eyes watched him very carefully, barely seeming to blink; and that was another thing that drove Silver up the wall about N, that he was always WATCHING everything, always observing every move someone made. Except it was a different sort of "up the wall" when he noticed N taking in every detail on his person. The sort that rather than just irritate him, made him hyper-aware of everything he did, and made the back of his neck prickle in a way that Silver assured himself was disgust and confusion.

Like it was doing now. It would be great if N could not do that whole staring thing while he was trying to focus and, most likely, looked like a complete idiot.

"Could you NOT stare at me while I'm doing this?" He snapped. "Or at least do SOMETHING useful? Help out a little?"

N looked surprised.

"I didn't think you'd want help."

"I-" Silver's sentence abruptly died as his foot slipped, and before he or N could react he fell into the muck with a very graceless and wet _SPLRRrrrT_ sound.

"Fuck," he grumbled. These had been some of his nicer sweat pants. N's hand appeared in front of his face, his fingers outstretched in a wordless form of aid.

Silver paused for a moment, before reluctantly taking his wrist.

"You know, if we'd gone the other way-"

N's comment transformed into a sharp yelp as Silver jerked on his wrist, sending him tumbling head-over-heels into the muck next to him.


End file.
